Recently, I've been asked the same question repeatedly. What would I say is thee one key to BREAKTHROUGH so I decided to share.... Here goes:
Exactly what did I do when I could not seem to BREAKTHROUGH toxic relationship patterns I found myself STUCK in...........
13 years ago, I was…...
- In a life-threatening car accident that left me in shock trauma for weeks not knowing if I would survive. (See Below)
- Stuck in a number of hurtful relationships with some family and “so-called” friends as well as colleagues at work.
- Working myself to the bone for other people and leaving no room to “do me”.
- Giving way more time, attention, care, and concern than other people were to some of my relationships and work commitments.
- Tolerating unacceptable behaviors, unknowingly, by remaining stuck in a pattern of all talk and no action with certain players in my life.
- Staying in relationships I should have left a long time ago.
- Trusting untrustworthy people.
- Not heeding some red flags.
- Letting I’m sorry be enough when actions didn’t match these words.
- Excusing other people’s shortcomings, yet, being very hard on myself.
- Confusing forgiveness with reconciliation and reconciliation with amends.
- Not prioritizing my relationship with myself as much as I should have been.
- Trying to set limits but doing so ineffectively.
- Finding myself self-medicating at times.
And now I….....
- Am in relationships that are happy, healthy, and trustworthy including the one I have with myself (See Below)
- Run a coaching program serving other women who want to go from being stuck in toxic situations and BREAKTHROUGH to healthier relationships.
- Am a published author in a number of local, regional, and national magazines including Business Insider and The Daily at Downtown Hope where I am a regular contributor.
- Wrote a book on Boundaries, my missing link, which rose to an International Best Seller to my dismay
- Host a TV Show/Podcast on WWW Network "Breakthrough Today with Michelle Rene' where we navigate lifes challenges in clinical and biblical ways
- Lead a thriving therapy practice with 10 staff including me,
- Love my life where, yes, I work hard but play hard too -enjoying lots of travel, fun, and time with key family and friends.
- Wake up excited every day - honestly - full of joy and hope and, most of all, love.
How did I do it?
1. I OWNED I WAS THE COMMON DENOMINATOR IN EVERY SCENARIO HOLDING ME BACK
Despite my higher education and life experiences, I still had weak boundaries.
Head knowledge wasn’t enough.
Heart knowledge wasn’t cutting it either.
I needed to dig deep and figure out what wasn’t working and be willing to do whatever was necessary to BREAKTHROUGH or I could continue on the path I was on for the rest of my life selling myself and my dreams short.
2. I LEARNED THROUGH TRIAL AND ERROR EFFECTIVE BOUNDARIES & LIMIT SETTING
So, I got to work learning EVERYTHING I could about boundaries.
I put what I learned into practice until what I was doing worked.
I scoured what God’s word had to say about each and every struggle and made sure what I was doing was in line with what He said.
I threw out what didn’t work no matter who taught me that it would.
I began to share what works with others who wanted the same results.
3. I GOT OK WITH NO, STAY OR GO
I knew my progress would cost me some of my relationships.
In fact, that’s one of the things that held me back for so long, the fear of losing some of my relationships (which I did lose some by the way) but I also found my tribe.
I got willing to lose in order to not lose any more of myself.
So, I did it afraid and did it anyway.
No matter how much it hurt, I kept at it, knowing the end result would be a healthier lifestyle, healthier relationships, and a healthier me.
I made no exceptions and compromised for no-one - even if it cost me some loss and people misunderstood or judged me.
As I began setting limits, I started to notice who respected my newfound strength and boundaries and who did not.
And I got okay with saying no, letting go, and realizing who was worthy of "my stay".
My stay in any relationship that is - and the worthy ones were the ones who were trustworthy and safe.
The rest I practiced low contact or even no contact with, if necessary, and loved them from afar. (More on that in another post)
Oh, and I genuinely forgave them and prayed for them which kept my heart free of bitterness and pain.
But what kept me going wasn’t any of the above.
It was knowing there were tons of others out there - just like me - who would benefit from what I was learning that I could share my journey with.
And I also knew this would positively impact my family for generations to come as we stopped the cycle of fear and compromise.
So, I rolled the dice and began chipping away at all my patterns and I can wholeheartedly say I am so thrilled that I did.
Be encouraged! No matter where you are in your journey to BREAKTHROUGH:
…Stuck in unhealthy relationships.
…Venturing out to change some of your tribe.
…. Being left or leaving some people behind.
…. Struggling to overcome hurtful patterns.
.... Or learning to enjoy healthy relationships
Be encouraged, because if I can do it, so can you.