Woke up today sad. "Am I depressed?" I thought.
Dreamed of past people in my life... "Am I mourning?" ...Realized I am not depressed, the enemy is a liar!
I AM mourning all the past losses. Lost opportunities to a lack of knowing:
A lack of knowing how to express myself effectively at times
A lack of knowing how to keep firm boundaries.
A lack of knowing strong Christians.
AND
Loss of people who aren't good for me or my soul, who aren't living for GOD. Chosen losses.
Then, I pray, "Give me wisdom GOD and it comes."
GOD is providing Christian friends now!
GOD is helping me set boundaries now!
GOD is helping me express myself now!
GOD LOVES ME!
I place my focus on him, not what I've lost in my past nor what I regret.
AND I honor the sadness within.
AND I realize this too shall pass.
AND I remind myself........
GOD chose my family.
GOD chose when to save me.
GOD chose my children.
GOD CHOSE.
AND GOD knew I would know right from wrong and be unable, at times, to make it happen due to:
Being human
Not having the skills
Sin
Pressure
Emotion
And many other things.
I am a FORGIVEN CHILD OF GOD and he promises me in his very own precious words....
Michelle, when you confess your sins, I will cleanse you from all unrighteousness. (1st John 1.9)
GOD, I confess I have been a prisoner of regret far too long.
I confess I have held things against myself far too long when I didn't know how to______________. Fill in the blank!
I forgive myself and GOD forgives me.
I can walk in forgiveness today.
The enemy is a liar. When he taunts me with my sins, I will remind him and myself of this fact.
I am only human.
I have done the best I can.
Now, GOD can do his best in and thru me.
After all, again in his word, he says, "Without me, NOTHING is possible." (John 15.5)
Michelle, you are forgiven. I love you. Forgive yourself.
Thank you GOD for your wisdom today.
I need you for everything and in everything.
I love you too Lord and yes, I forgive me....AGAIN!
Some days are like this. At lease, some days are like this for me.
