WE have been doing a lot of talking about toxic parents in my trainings this past week.
It is hard to know sometimes whether our parents were or are toxic - especially after we have had a lifetime of self-blame and beating ourselves up. Things can get pretty tricky.
While there are several key indicators clinicians look at to determine the health or toxicity of parenting style when offering individual or family counseling, I have found one key way to know as a layman whether or not you are dealing with a toxic parenting. Wanna know the quick version?
It's all about them - all or most of the time. I will say it again. It is all about them - all or most of the time. Not about you. It is only about you in the context of what you can do for them or how you can make them feel. What exactly does that mean? That means as long as you are making them look and feel good, they will be okay with you.
But if you aren't or they are having a difficult day or time, you will bear the brunt of it. You will be told you are responsible for how they feel. If only you had done something different, looked different, acted differently. They will have no problem putting their wellness on your shoulders. And you will feel guilty. Perhaps even beat yourself up.
Don't get me wrong here. If you are doing some jacked up things to your parents, that a horse of a different color. However, if you are just being you and getting the shaft, toxic parenting may be exactly what you are going through.
So, later this week, we will get into toxic parenting in my free, private, community group. Feel free to join here. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1408312852876532/?ref=share
Because as the old saying goes, knowledge is power. And this knowing is your ticket to BREAKTHROUGH.
Meanwhile, just know that if a parental relationship has you feeling emotionally upset or often unwell, there is something amiss. Toxic parenting is not the only thing that could be happening but, it often times is. And if it is, you need to know what to do to set boundaries and start keeping yourself safe. As we say in counseling, safety first - safety of any sort, even if its emotional safety. Be well and hope you get a chance to hop over to our ten minute training later this week, especially if this could be you or was you as a child!👇